Humiliation in sex is certainly true if you’ve ever had to explain to a team of medics that you’ve got a Crunchie wedged up your vagina.
According to NHS data in 2018, over 24 million people visited A&E across the UK, with 3.5 million of those being related to an intimate injury. Xstasy.co.uk decided to delve into these figures a little deeper.
After analysing several threads on Reddit, they put together a number of lists including the ‘top ten items used during sex that have led to an A&E visit’.
A bowling pin (casual), followed by a lava lamp, toilet brush and jalapenos (well, that’s one way to spice things up).
On a Reddit thread asking doctors and nurses to reveal the most embarrassing sex-related injury they’ve treated, one person wrote: “I’m an EMT [emergency medical technician] and one time we transported a lady who had 3 hot dogs in her vagina and they had been in there for 3 weeks.
“She said it started to get a bit uncomfortable so she decided to call the fire department. Took a look and there was a rotting hot dog peaking through, like that scene from Role Models with Jane Lynch and the corndog.”
The person went on to say: “She said she knew they were up there, couldn’t reach them and figured they would come out on their own. I’m assuming there was something she wasn’t telling us.”
Another person commented: “My partner is a nurse, and has once had to extract a Crunchie (a honeycomb chocolate-covered bar) that got ‘lost’ from a woman’s vagina. I do not envy his job.”
Nice to be reminded what a Crunchie is, in among all that filth. Cheers!
Someone else said: “Had a older gentlemen come in to the ER around 2 AM for constipation. The Dr. ordered an x-ray per usual. Results come back… soy sauce bottle shoved up his butt. Dr. explained he would need to go to the OR [operating room] to get it out and he promptly signed out and left.”
Can’t imagine he was walking too quickly with that wedged up there.
Now let me just go and rock in a dark room and bleach my eyeballs while I try to forget that I ever read this stuff.