After coming out as nonbinary, I had a whole new set of questions that I needed to answer, like which apps would let me include a useful gender description? Which apps were best for searching and finding people who would be interested in me? And which apps were, in essence, the most nonbinary friendly? Here, to hopefully save you some time and heartache, are my incredibly subjective findings. I give you the most popular dating apps and how they rank on nonbinary friendliness (note: I only included apps that offer a free service).
Bumble is what I like to call Tinder’s slightly less creepy younger sibling. It has a somewhat less raw feeling than Tinder — sort of like Facebook vs. Twitter. On Twitter, everything and anything can happen and usually does, while on Facebook, there’s occasionally some sort of veneer.
Bumble poses a structural problem for nonbinary peeps: it’s designed on the basis that “women message first.” On the surface this seems fine, but what does that mean if you’re nonbinary? Generally, it still suggests I message first, which feels disingenuous and starts the whole thing off on an awkward foot. I dislike the predication on a binary system.
Tinder is sometimes a wild ride. You get all sorts of people on this app for better and for worse. My worst experience with someone re: what’s my gender was via Tinder, but it had more to do with the individual than the system itself. Tinder has at least updated its gender definitions to a wider range, but you still have to select male or female in what searches you show up as. This sort of defeats the purpose, but with some savvy typing, you can mostly get around it.
With a name like “Her,” it’s kind of a long shot as far as being nonbinary friendly, but props to this app for doing a great job of adjusting its structure. You now have a wide range of gender definitions, pronouns, and looking for, and you never have to pick one of two. If you can get past the name and you’re looking for someone on the queer-femme spectrum, Her is a really good option.
After finding out about Feeld, I immediately downloaded it and was pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to use. I don’t feel pigeonholed or off-put by any of the options, and I’m excited by how upfront you can be about gender.
We all knew it was coming. OkCupid is the hands-down best dating app for nonbinos. Not only does it have the widest range of possible definitions, but it also has great questions to help weed out potential transphobes. Not to mention the button you can magically press that says “I don’t want to see or be seen by straight people.” I once saw this as a t-shirt and nearly died on the spot. OkCupid is a clear winner for me, and hopefully for many other people as well.